Rants and Chants

While Star Wars is an amazing special effects accomplishment and an exciting story, there are details of it that fail on a logical level:

What do the droids really do? Yes, yes, C3P0 is a “human cyborg relations” android. However, if the other droids had been built better, to speak in intelligible language, rather than bleeps and tweets, C3P0 would not be needed. Worse still, R2D2, while cute, seems to have few clearly defined functions. In episode 4, his primary role is to be a messenger for Princess Leia. However, in a galaxy where interstellar travel is commonplace, it seems archaic to send a message via a physical object, as opposed to sending it via some encrypted energy transmission. Okay, so maybe Obi-Won doesn’t have a phone. Even if I buy into that, R2D2 is hardly the most mobile, let alone agile, of the droids. In subsequent episodes, R2D2 hangs on as an X-wing fighter co-pilot, because in a galaxy with interstellar travel and droids, no one has thought to build into the fighter the logic that the droid possesses.

The only droids I can understand, that do have a justification for their existence, are the battle droids. It makes sense that an advance society would use robots to wage war, rather than risk actual living, sentient members of their own society, even more likely than risking clones. That is, of course, assuming that an “advanced” society would wage war at all.

The Death Star required an enormous expense of labor, materials, and energy to build and operate and expends an enormous amount of energy to obliterate an entire planet. Why? Even if it does make star systems cower before Emperor Palpatine, there is absolutely no return on the investment. If anything, it wastes perfectly habitable planets full of valuable resources, such as labor, food, raw materials, and the commercial infrastructure to make use of it all. Wouldn’t it be better to kill off just your opponents on the targeted planet and then take over use of whatever is left? The Empire’s approach would be like the Nazis completely wiping all of Poland, France, or England off the map, rather than merely beating the people into submission and then making use of them and their resources. Yes, I know, I know, the Death Star is supposed to be like the atomic bomb obliterating entire cities. Nevertheless, the parallel breaks down when you look at what it takes to build, move, and operate a Death Star compared to what it takes to build and deliver an atomic warhead.

The least useful Star Wars detail is the one it is best known for: the light saber. While the Imperial Storm Troopers and most of the Rebels are running around with blasters that can shoot an energy beam clear across the field of battle, the Jedi are walking around with weapons that have a limited range of what seems to be about three or four feet. Moreover, it requires a high amount of choreographed running, lunging, leaping, and swinging to use. A blaster is simple point-and-shoot. Call me lazy, but I’d rather kill my enemies at a distance and with as little strenuous effort as possible. The blaster is the logical weapon of choice.