Search Me, Again
A few years ago, in my older blogging software, I wrote a post entitled “Search Me!” that analyzed some of the search terms people had used to arrive at my site. Since I’ve now been using Google Analytics for over a year, I decided to revisit the idea behind that post and pull out the top 100 search terms used to find this site in the last 16 months. I’m not going to post the full list, but I’ve decided to take a look at and respond to some of the more interesting ones here…
1. christian stuart
Well, that’s sort of a duh! Surprisingly though, “christian lee” ranks in at #5 and “christian stuart lee” at #10. I am going to guess that someone named Christian Stuart is more famous than me, even though Google lists my site first for that search term. I already know that there is a “Christian Lee” who is an Asian porn star.
2. defacing a ralph lauren polo shirt
I find the use of “defacing” odd. You don’t hear that word often. Yet the phrase above is used often enough to show as the second most popular in my site statistics. So this is the first of many searches that leads me to believe that not all of the searches are coming from live humans. I suspect there are spammers using automated searches to find, monitor, and interact with sites out there. The program probably pulls from existing content on your site and then uses a snippet of it to keep checking back later.
3. star wars illogical and 6. illogical star wars
That people are searching for those terms, does that mean a lot of people already think Star Wars is illogical – or at least questionable?
4. christian anectdote
The anecdotes here are likely far from Christian.
7. president obama says that they will have a holiday tree this year instead of a christmas tree. do you agree with this?
Several similar searches like this one cropped up since I wrote “Christmas Tree or Holiday Tree?”
8. “internet explorer 4.0 commemorative edition”
Hey, whoever was searching for this, please come back! If you were interested enough in it to search for it, might you want to buy it off me? I didn’t think anyone would want it when I wrote “Things I’ve Found While Unpacking,” so I am astonished someone searched for it!
19. “asylum as entertainment”
What was this person searching for? There has to be an interesting story behind this. Were they seeking movies that are set in insane asylums? Or were they looking to take a vacation getaway to an insane asylum? Or are they in a mental institution and going bored out of their mind?
20. “christian stuart lee” or “christian stuart * lee” or “lee, christian stuart”
The above search also had a few other facts about me as part of the search, but I have removed them for privacy. My response when I saw this was…
Wow! Someone was really, really looking for me. How many other Christian Stuart Lees could match the entire search string used here? This had to be a search exclusively for me. Creepy. Whoever you are, unless we’re related, I hope what you found here deterred you from stalking me any further! And if we are related, you probably have my contact info and can call me up to ask me what my Web site address is.
31. atheist chants
Do atheists chant? I named the site Rants and Chants because I expected to either be dissing or praising books, movies, TV, music, technology, news, or Life. However, if you are literally looking for atheist chants, what are you expecting to find? It’s not like repeating “there is no god, there is no god, there is no god” is going to be heard by the nonexistent god. So to whom are you chanting? And why?
35. chant and rant
No, you’ve got that backward. It’s Rants and Chants. Probably because I am more likely to rant first.
39. chants for calling satan
And there were lesser variants on this one. I’m surprised that I would have come up high enough in the results for this that someone would then click through. Just as I don’t believe in invisible benevolent spirits, I don’t believe in invisible evil spirits either, so you are free to move on.
40. chants for driving
No chanting while driving! Radios, GPS, and cell phones are distracting enough!
45. christian chants
This one still amuses me. When I wrote the first “Search Me,” this was the number one search term hitting my site. What must the people who search for “christian chants” think when they find my irreverent site?
62. christmas tree christian meaning only
This poor person must’ve found “Christmas Tree or Holiday Tree?”, read it, and gone away even more confused about the Christian meaning of the Christmas tree. I see a Christmas tree as an abstraction. It has no concrete tie to anything in The Bible. So it is open to considerable interpretation, especially when you ladle on the spectrum of religious, pagan, secular, seasonal, and commercial ornaments.
64. conservative republican yuppies
I have always described myself as a moderate independent. But a hippie girl I knew in college called me the most Conservative Republican Yuppie she knew (about 6 months before a more Conservative Republican girlfriend then called me the most Liberal person she ever dated, go figure.) But I doubt anything I’ve written in the last 8 years would put me on the Conservative Republican Yuppie side. As best I can figure, it’s been my criticism of the increasing extremism in the CRY sphere that has pushed those word higher up in whatever tag cloud the search engines are building from my content.
66. correct way to set toilet tissue
I’m delighted and proud to have provided what I think is a valuable and insightful result for this search. And I am sure my grandfather would be very amused that his humor lives on all these years later and is being read by others.
73. egg rolling chant
What?!?! Was this just some random combining of words? What is an egg rolling chant? Why would you want to chant while rolling an egg?
77. funeral meme
I tried to start a meme, but I am disappointed that it didn’t take off. Still, seeing this gives me hope that someone was searching for a funeral meme and they might pick up and carry forward mine.
80. how much is a montgomery ward telescope worth
Answer: Probably not much. Few mass produced telescopes achieve antique value.
81. how one can succeed in first night — and — 83. how to succeed in first night
Sadly, whoever searched for the answer to that question only found out how to fail and be laughed at.
84. http://www.christianstuartlee.com/
Someone searched for that? Just type it into your damned browser address bar!
87. is it unchristian to support a sports team?
The answer to this question is not on my site. However, if you don’t mind having an atheist tell you, I honestly don’t think Jesus cares whether you support a sports team. He cared more about how you interact with other people. Oh, he might have said something here or there about not being worldly. Nevertheless, based on my understanding of Christianity, you ought to worry about the answers to far more important questions. Now go search for a charity or a volunteer program.
91. kid investment chants
You want your kids to chant while they invest money? Try “here, Dad, you can use my money…” You are looking for a chant to say while you are investing money in your kids? I usually just grumble at how much it costs.
