Osama’s Weewee

So another September 11 anniversary has passed and, sadly, the whole damned thing is feeling ever more disappointing. The news last week only brought us two barely notable developments:

Osama bin Laden released a new video. Someone in the marketing department must have turned him on to the American ideal of “10 Years Younger,” since he seems to have discovered both Just for Men and possibly a Braun beard trimmer. The folks in the marketing department need to study American advertising a bit closer, however, since the sales pitch missed the mark on all three appeals: Ethos, Logos, and Pathos. Killing innocent civilians at the World Trade Center – and threatening more violence against us – is hardly the way to persuade us to convert to Islam. (Hint, Osama: The reason why Jesus is so popular in the West is that he’s a gentle, forgiving, and nurturing figure – well, until you read the Gospel of John, but 3 out of 4 make him seem like a kind, nice guy to emulate.)

Frances Townsend, homeland security advisor to George Bush, has called Osama “impotent.” Yup, that’s right; our Executive branch has been reduced to merely insulting Bin Laden’s cock. Meanwhile, Bush has been inserting his Dick Cheney into clap-traps like Iraq and is growing ever more tumescent for Iran. But at least the feelings seem to be mutual, since Iran is on the way to having a long hard shooter for U.S.

Meanwhile, George himself has kept a notably low profile on the anniversary. If I were the President who was in office on September 11, 2001, I would not miss a single anniversary to attend memorial services in Manhattan, Shanksville, or at least at the Pentagon (you know, that building that was attacked and houses many of the same folks who are now trying to coordinate the War on Terror?) These days, though, I am inclined to think any of us – me, you, Giuliani, Hillary, or even fictional 24 Presidential actor Dennis Haysbert could do a better job as President.


By Christian Lee

Christian Stuart Lee's Rants and Chants has entertained and informed readers since January 2002. Rants and Chants includes non-fiction writing -- anecdotes, essays, movie reviews, and more. He is diligently working on a novel and other projects, which he hopes to publish soon. He is available for freelance writing -- the materials in Rants and Chants will give you a sense of his interests, knowledge, and style.