Mono-tony, doo-doo-de-doo-doo

I had planned to write a review of Die Another Day this week, but I have contracted mono. Yes, at the age of 36, I have “the kissing disease” more commonly known among teenagers. Although everyone keeps asking me who I’ve been kissing, no, I have not kissed any teenagers recently. Nor have I kissed anyone other than my wife. Thankfully, she doesn’t have mono.

The more interesting aspect of this is that I knew I had mono even before the doctor confirmed the diagnosis. I had come back from a business trip and been home for a few days, when I developed a roller-coaster fever – cycling up and down over the course of less than an hour. I also had night sweats and chills. Then nausea hit me.

The profound symptom that made me know it was mono, however, was that I started to feel irresistibly tired and sleepy. No sooner was I up and showered, when I felt like I needed a nap. After work, that’s what I would come home and do without even caring about dinner. I had never experienced anything like it before, but I had heard that mono makes you incredibly tired.

When I phoned my insurance company’s nurse line to check my symptoms, the nurse didn’t believe I could have mono. She actually got rather rude about it, telling me I was wasting her time and would be wasting my doctor’s time if I went to him for what she thought was just a fleeting virus. That night, I couldn’t hold down any food at all. I went to my doctor the next morning.

A urine test showed that my liver was out-of-whack in a way that was consistent with mono. The blood test would take several days to come back, but the doctor immediately ordered me to take a medical leave from work and stay in bed. I’m actually staying on the couch, dozing in and out of television shows that I can’t follow for even half an episode. I’m having a hard time holding down Pedialyte and Boost. In addition, I will admit, I am so tired that my mood is irritable. Recovery, I’m told, may take about six weeks. So much for Thanksgiving.

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